How To Fill The Room With The Intended Audience
There's a principle we return to again and again in our work - one that sounds counterintuitive at first, especially for the mission-driven organizations we serve.
Generous exclusion.
The concept comes from Priya Parker, who describes it as "the intentional drawing of a temporary line for the good of the guests and to help activate and fulfill a gathering's purpose." We think of it as providing clarity - so people can self-select in or out, and so the intended audience is truly catered to.
The word exclusion runs counter to the values of most of our clients, so it takes a little readjusting to welcome it in as a concept. But a gathering can rarely meet everyone's needs. Generous exclusion isn't about turning people away - it's about being clear about who you're calling in.
Here's what most of us have experienced: receiving an invitation and not being able to tell whether it's meant for you. Who else will be there? Is this relevant to my work, my life, my interests? That fuzzy feeling can make it hard to commit - and easy to ignore.
The inverse is also true. A well-defined invitation gives the recipient an immediate, instinctive response: Yes, that's exactly where I need to be. Or a clean, easy no, thank you. Either outcome is a gift. Clarity is generous.
For our clients - whether they're growing a donor community, convening thought leaders, or bringing together their team - we get specific about the guest profile:
What do they care about?
What compels them?
Where do they live, and what's going on in their lives?
Who are they friends with — and who do they want to be friends with?
Who in our client's existing network can motivate them to show up?
Why will this gathering matter to them?
When these questions are answered honestly, filling the room gets easier. You know who belongs there, and you can build the experience around them.
One more layer worth adding: there's often more than one clearly defined audience. We typically walk clients through identifying primary, secondary, and sometimes tertiary audiences.
The primary audience is the group for whom the event's core purpose will be fulfilled - the reason you're hosting in the first place.
Secondary audiences (and beyond) are people who can also be served by the gathering. They may not be the initial reason for hosting, but they deepen the meaning of the room and stand to benefit meaningfully from the content and connections.
And when the WHO feels hard to pin down? We go back to the very beginning.
What is the organizational goal this gathering is meant to serve? And to achieve that — who must be in the room?
That question cuts through the noise every time. The primary audience becomes obvious when you anchor back to purpose. Secondary and tertiary audiences can absolutely help bring in other communities and add richness to the room - but they should never blur the focus on who the gathering is truly for.
And that, my friends, is how you build a room
✨ Planning a gathering - or looking to make your next event more intentional? We’d love to help you bring it to life. Let's talk.
All the best,
Rhiannon
Rhiannon O’Leary (she/her)
Founder + Executive Producer